Never Say Never

People have said this to you before,"Never Say Never."  When you are a child, it is generally said about mostly harmless statements like:

"I'll never eat broccoli...or brussel sprouts...or peas."

 "Never say never."  Your Mother may say and ten years later, as you scoop another pile of peas onto your broccoli infested salad, you'll remember.

As you age, the statement becomes more dangerous and about subjects that are character or reputation related.

"I'll never drink and drive."

"I'll never do drugs."

"I'll never go back to school."

"Never say never" Your brother or best friend might say.  Then one day, as you wake-up with a sore throat, unable to remember how you got home and no idea how you are going to turn your research prospectus in on time, you'll remember.

I recently had a "never say never" moment in my life.  In 5 weeks, she'll fly here.  Like a small child eating brussel sprouts, believing they are shrunken cabbage heads and afraid that my head will shrink upon consumption, I am scared.

Three Years and a lot of Tears

"You asked me if I would be sad when it happened

and I am sad. But the iris I moved from your house
now hold in the dusty dry fists of their roots
green knives and forks as if waiting for dinner,
as if spring were a feast. I thank you for that.
Were it not for the way you taught me to look
at the world, to see the life at play in everything,
I would have to be lonely forever." (From Ted Kooser's poem Mother)

I have read that poem several times over the course of the last couple of days. Today, I read it as the workday was drawing to a close and no sooner did I reach the end of the poem then did tears start to flood my eyes. "Were it not for the way you taught me to look at the world, to see the life at play in everything, I would have to be lonely forever."

Her greastest lasting gift to me was the gift of love. Love of life, love of nature, love of family, love of people, love. She gave me eyes from her tiny window in the screen door. I love the world. I love the magic of new buds, the smell of wind over meadows, the taste of rain, and the sparkles of sunlight through blue spruce. I love my life and do not want to miss a second of it...but I miss her. three years later, I still feel the pain of separation, but I am not lonely. As in the poem, the way she taught me to see the world and live, live, live will never cause lonliness.

This is Our World

Recently I have been reading the news. With several online publications displaying the day's headlines on my iGoogle, I wait for my gmail to load and read away. Although I am spending everyday of my life working towards a degree in environmental education, I live in a bubble in Northern Wisconsin. My life is paid for in exchange for...well my life. I wake-up. I drink coffee. I eat breakfast. I great students and strap on their snowshoes. I explain to them about animals and plants and try to instill within them, in an hour or two, wonder. I have been doing this, or something similar to this for several years. I live in a bubble and talk about mysterious species like they are fictional novels...but not today.

Today I have spent the majority of my day in the office intermittently checking facebook, doing a little homework, and twiddling my thumbs. Then, I started reading the headlines. Syrian Troops fired on mourners attending a funeral creating the need for at least one more funeral. A mother of two was burned alive in Nepal after being accused of being a witch. Air Pollution increases our risks of strokes. In Virginia, a law is being pushed to required women wanting abortions to have an ultrasound probe jammed up their vagina, so they are forced to look their fetus in the...well unformed eye. Rick Santorum is an asshole...I summarized that headline.

There are countless headlines like this every single day and today they have me thinking. How? I want to know "How?" How did we let this happen? In other countries, can we still say, "It's cultural?" A woman was burned alive. I know this sort of brutality happens all over the planet, not excluding the U.S. but who the fuck cares where it happens? This is our planet. We are a part of all of it. Does a wolf in Yellowstone know that she is protected within the boundaries, but if she wants to walk to another safe haven, Grand Tetons National Park, she may legally be shot? No. She does not know boundary lines, because she doesn't give a fuck. She needs food and water and a safe place to rest her paws. End of story.

I guess my point is that this has to stop. We need to quit destroying each other everywhere. We need to open our fucking eyes to what is important in the world. A woman doesn't want her baby, big fucking deal. There are a million other babies dying on this planet, because they don't have any food. Why don't we spend the ultrasound probe money to actually save a baby that has been born and is starving or being abused. Why don't we spend the money Santorum is using to debate birth control and save someone from being burned alive or dying of AIDS or having maggots eat them alive. Why don't we stop talking and start doing...but I don't know what to do. I'm over educated and idealistic. Help.