The Gnomes that Can't Escape Me

These days I do not sleep well. I toss and turn, because every time I close my eyes, I see her lying on the hospital bed unconscious. I see that dry tongue and shallow breath. These days, I cannot sleep and so I toss and turn and then eventually give in to the intense clump in my throat and start crying. Somewhere in the middle of the night, at a time that I cannot begin to tell you, I fall asleep. I haven't been going to my exercise class for middle-aged women lately. I shut off my alarm before it goes off and lie awake thinking about how I should be getting out of bed. I should be heading off to old school gym to shimmy and shake with other people, but I cannot seem to get out of bed. I continue to tell myself that I just want to be alone today, so I will go for a run. I stick to my promise and head out on the old tree lined, lonely road. Today I did not run for very long. After about 22 minutes and 32 seconds, I turned my trot to a walk and heading down a trail. I never run on trails, because I heard such a motion attracts cougars. I hiked down the trail for a bit before I spotted a fallen tree extending into the river. I walked out onto it and sat down upon the tree. The river rushed around me, shaking the log. I laid down looking up through the newly born alder leaves that accent the perfectly blue sky. I am alone here on my log in the river. I look at the rapids before me, the rushing water over boulders. I imagine falling into those rapids and letting them take me away to whatever destination they wish. In my periphery, I see gnomes and a couple of fairy scuttle by in the brambles. They giggle and so do I. I tell them that they do not have to hide from me. I will not tel their secrets. The giants are smoking tobacco in the hills. I do not see them, but I see their smoke billowing at the peaks. I see a fox scurry in front of me. The gnomes are going on vacation. It becomes clear to me that I need one too.