I've been acting strangely lately, even for me. Normally, I am quite the odd ball mother fucker, the girl who hides in the corner and doesn't say shit even if she's the only one who notices that the barn is burning down. I must remain quiet, but I've been talking lately. I've been saying things that I've never wanted to say. I've been doing things that I never wanted to do. Maybe I'm just bored with my life, so I've decided to stir things up, create controversy, live, learn, fight for something in the face of others' disapproval and possible pain. I shan't be so conceded, though.
When you were six years old, who did you think you would be in the advent of your twenties, thirties, fifties? I am just a crap shoot and a holler from my 24th birthday and this is not how I saw my life unfolding many moons ago. I can't actually remember what I thought would become of my life, but I am quite certain that it had nothing to do with what is now my reality. I recall wearing a puffy, yellow, metallic dress in my perceived future, but I have no idea where that came from. I think that's what my Rebbecca Donaldson doll wore. When I was about 13, I figured I would probably end up marrying Peter Reno and spend my days getting the shit kicked out of me by that crazy asshole. After high school, I assumed I was smart enough that after completing college, I would obtain a well-paying job. I assumed it wouldn't be too difficult. I assumed a lot of shit and you know what they say about assumptions. So what am I doing? I live in Packwood, WA. I am happy with my job, but it is going to end shortly and then where will I be. "Candy," the wiccan, said that I can move into her trailer with her husband, baby, two cats, and a dog. Their current extra housemate is moving out into a trailer on their front lawn, so they have a free room. I don't think that is such a good idea, but I still said "thank you" and "I just might do that." I've been using Candy a bit and she is my friend and that is wrong. You see - I've been doing things that I shouldn't do, saying things that I can't believe I'm saying. Why? Is this who I really am or am I just pretending?
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