Pills, Bills, and Mountainous Hills

Who do I know in their twenties that is not constantly wrestling between thoughts of positive potential for the future and thoughts of failure, disgrace, and depression? Unfortunately, most of my friends seem pretty damn happy, stable, and well...married. I suppose I received more eye rolls at my ideas, when I was younger than my friends, but I cannot help but wish I were them sometimes. It would be nice to know that you have a place of your own to go home to every night after your stable job. It would be nice to know that you have someone who loves you so much he or she offers assurance that they want to be with you for a very long time. I guess that I never realized that all of the "normal" parts of adulthood would be so stressful. Maybe I make them stressful through my choices and own obscene mind. I just want to go camping when I make plans to camp, so I can buy s'more fixins' and snacks. I sort of want my old life back and at the same time am so addicted and in love with my new life that it breaks my heart with the thought of giving it up. Everyday, I just really miss my Grandma, because when it came down to it, she was always the Bestest Person, Thing, and Idea in the whole wide world. I want to be brave like her.

Wild Berry Zinger

Tea Time at my Grandma's made me so giddy that I hopped. It was a special occasion, maybe I was sleeping over or we had just finished Chinese food, when someone would get the idea to put on the tea pot. Coffee mugs would be lined up awaiting the impending boiling water. We would pick our tea, traditionally from a variety box of Celestial Seasoning and my Grandma would always choose Wild Berry Zinger. I would remove my special zoo cup from the cupboard, wrapped in a plastic bag and taped, so no one else would use it. The cup had dancing, happy, clothed zoo animals on it and fit perfectly into my hand. The water would begin to steam and the stove would be turned off. The cups with tea bags already inserted would be filled with boiling water that immediately changed colors upon impact. My Grandma's Wild Berry Zinger would turn a dark purple and would zing with a berry berry aroma. We would add half and half and let the white swirl until it mixed with the tea. My Grandma always wanted me to add a half spoonful of honey and let it cool. I would push her cup to the edge of the table, so she could reach it from her wheelchair and we would talk about the time she hit a the boy in her class over the head with a baseball bat. We would sip tea and time would stop. My bestest friend, a cup of tea, and seemingly all the time in the world.

Somewhere in my mess of moving from state to state is the zoo cup, an item I inherited upon my Grandma's death. Today would have been my Grandma's 84th birthday, if she were still alive. Maybe we would have batted a balloon back and forth together, eaten grilled cheese, and in the evening sipped Wild Berry Zinger from a cup colored in dancing zoo animals.